Sunday, September 23, 2012

Sunday Funnies...

A couple in their 80's were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, "Where are you going?" "To the kitchen for a drink," he replies. She asks, " Will you get me piece of cake?" The husband says, "Sure." She gently reminds him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you don't forget it?" He says, "No, I can certainly remember that!"
Then the woman says, "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top. You'd better write it down because I know you'll forget it." The man replies, "I can remember that! You want some cake with strawberries."
She adds, "I'd also like whipped cream on top. Now I'm certain you're gonna forget that, so you'd better write it down ok." Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down woman! I can remember that! Cakewith strawberries! And whipped cream!" He then grumbles into the kitchen.
After about 30 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "Where's my toast?"

Suzie was standing over her husbands deathbed, andas she held his hand her warm tears ran down her cheeks and splashed onto her sleeping husbands face. Her tears awakened him.
"My darling Suzie " he began. "Hush my love" she said. "Ssssh..., go back to sleep dear "
But he was insistent."Suzie" he said in his frail, tired voice. "I must talk, I must confess something to you" "Theres nothing to confess" said the weeping Suzie "It's ok. Everythings ok. Get some rest now. "
"No no, I must die in peace my Suzie. I slept with your sister, your best friend and your mother." The heartbroken Suzie mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand. " hush
now Jimmy, dont torment yourself. I know all about it" she said. "Why do you think I poisoned you?"

A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".

An older woman gets a face lift and shes proud of the way she looks so she goes out in the town and askes a man "how old do you think I am". The man replies "Ummm, I dont know 28?" the woman answers "Nope I'm 48 but nice try!"
She then purchases brunch at a local McDononalds. She askes the waiter "How old do you think I am" he says "31?" she says "nope 48 but nice try" Then she walks up to an old man and asks him "How old do you think I am?" he says "I can tell how old women are by sticking my hand down their pants" She reluctantly allows him do to so... and he does and he says "Ok your 48!"
She gasps "How did you know" he says "Well ,to tell you the truth I was standing behind you at McDonalds".

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