Sunday, February 17, 2013

Sunday Funnies...

One day two drinking buddies, Jim and Dave, were working on aircraft at JFK airport in NYC. They got fogged in and finished up their work early and were sitting around bored.
Jim spoke up, "Man I really need a drink!"
"You know I heard a rumor you could drink jet fuel and get drunk." Dave said.
"Really?" said Jim.
"That's what I heard. Wanna try it?"
"Sure, hell I'll try anything once!"
So with that they poured themselves a couple of glasses and began drinking the jet fuel. They sipped a little bit to find it actually tasted quiet good. So they drank more and more and sure enough they got stoned drunk. The next morning Jim awoke feeling like a million bucks he jumped up wet to the bathroom feeling great like he was floating on air he hadn't felt this good in years. "Wow!" He said.
About that time Jim's telephone rang... "Hello?"
"Hello Jim, this is Dave. How are you feeling this morning?"
"Man I feel great, no hang over, no sick, I feel like a million bucks. How about you?"
"Me too, but I have one question for you."
"Sure, what is it"
"Have you farted yet?"
"Ummmmm No. Why?"
"DON'T. I'm in Phoenix!"

A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father. While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra.
The man asks, "Why are you doing that? I mean, at his age what will it do for him?"
The nurse explains, "The hot chocolate will help him sleep."
The man says, "And the Viagra?"
"Keeps him from falling out of bed."

Samantha, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you... if its still okay..."
"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that question all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."
"No, no... that's not it at all," Samantha confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."

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