Sunday, December 1, 2013
The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were "protecting."
Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job.
If he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.
Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $40,000.
He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place.
The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends someo of their hoods after the deaf collector.
The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is.
The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter.
The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is."
The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?"
The deaf man replies, "I don't know what you're talking about."
The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The hood pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "Now ask him where the money is!"
The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?"
The deaf man replies, "The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park."
The interpreter says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger."
On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid said, "Yeah."
The cop said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike." The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid took the ticket, but before he rode off he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar.
He didn't have a lighter, so he asked his friend if he had one. "I sure do," he replied while he reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter.
"Wow!" said his friend, "Where did you get that monster lighter?"
"I got it from my genie."
"You have a genie?"
"Yes, right here in my golf bag."
"Could I see him?"
He opens his golf bag and out pops a genie.
The friend asks the genie, "Since, I'm a good friend of your master, will you grant me one wish?"
"Yes I will" the genie replies.
The friend asks the genie for a million bucks.
The genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there, waiting for his million bucks.
Suddenly, the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard.
The friend tells his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"
He answers,"I forgot to tell you that the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?"