A cop pulls over a blonde for speeding and asks her for her license.
"You cops should get it together," she said. "One day you take away my license, and the next day you ask me to show it to you."
THINGS NEVER HEARD AT THE NASCAR TRACK:
-- None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth.
-- Tampax! Get your Tampax here!
-- Hey, shut up! I can't hear the race!
-- Sex with your sister? Man, that's sick.
-- My God, this is a splendid Merlot.
-- Hey, you with the large breasts, out of the way. We're trying to watch a race here.
-- Jeeves, be a good man and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attach case. Then fetch me some clotted cream for my scone.
-- What a coincidence, Hank, all my friends are boycotting Hooters, too.
-- These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert.
-- Good morning, Mr. Trickle. We at 'Depends' understand you're looking for a new corporate sponsor.
-- Filling in for Dale 'The Intimidator' Earnhardt today is substitute driver, Michael 'Lord of the Dance' Flatley.
-- And now, singing our national anthem, international recording artist Boy George.
A man sits next to a very attractive woman on an airplane. He asks her what kind of men she is interested in. Her top three choices are Native American men, Jewish men and Southern men. The woman asks the man what his name is.
He replies "Geronimo Bernstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
A guy gets pulled over for speeding on a rainy day.
The cop says, "Isn't it kind of stupid to be driving so fast in this weather?"
The driver says, "Who's stupid? I'm dry in my car. You're the one who's standing out in the rain."